Why are U into Me!!!!!

At some point of time, every person, immaterial his/her, gets too possessive/obsessed about something or person. For some it is an addiction, for others it’s a way of showing their love. You show possessiveness on a person, when you care and love him/her immensely. A feeling, if not controlled may ruin or spoil the relationship or equation with that person. What most misunderstand is that, a relation does not involve ownership, it requires partnership. No matter how much we give, it never seems to be enough for them. Sometimes, our silence is also mistaken for “not showing love”.

So what are the reasons for this act?

1)      You are empty of self-love

2)      You are low in your self-esteem

3)      You have never ever found a friend in yourself, and

4)      You lack a sense of confidence to guide yourself.

Are these the very reasons. Let’s re-check.

Stop beating yourself for being attracted to that person for their intellect or talent. A healthy relationship means there is an equal amount of give and take. Giving back in a relationship does not only mean showering with affection and gifts. And most of the time, he/she apologize for doing something that is totally unacceptable, later ask forgiveness and promise to change with your help.

“Possessiveness doesn't come when someone needs you in their life. It only comes when someone fears that they will lose you from their life"..... When you are insecure about your love, you'll lose your friend in it. Give space to each other and see how wonderful your relation would be.”

There is a very big difference between feeling and acting possessive. The desire to have someone all to yourself isn't strange or even rare. We have all felt this way at some point of our life. I think most of us share the opinion that personal freedom is of the utmost importance. We are only human, after all.

Boundaries + Compromise = Happiness 

Osho on Possessiveness - Only things can be possessed; beings cannot be possessed.

The only sacred space in the true sense is the privacy of a person – his/her independence. If you love a person you will respect the privacy of the other person. Love is itself a moment, it has nothing to do with permanency and may continue for eternity. If it happens again in the next moment you are blessed. If it does not happen you should be thankful that at least it did happen before. But in their stupidity, people start thinking, "If this person goes out of my hands then I am going to starve my whole life without love." Lovers love only while they are not yet in a fixed relationship. As the relationship settles, love disappears. Once the relationship is fixed, instead of love, something else takes place: possessiveness. They still go on calling it love, but you cannot deceive existence. It can be anything -- but not love. The feeling that your partner is going to leave you is just a feeling. It’s not the truth. Focusing on letting go of your negative feelings about each other and the relationship makes it easier for the two of you. Reassure your partner that you love him/her. We fall in love with someone because of some special points and then try to change him/her according to us. No one changes; one can act to make you happy but within the person remains the same. 

Battle against possessiveness

 

Possessiveness is always taken in a negative sense, but don’t you think a moderate level of it is needed in a relationship? Yes, an Amount of it is needed, a very small amount mind you, because the feeling of being taken care of and the very knowledge that someone there is worried about you, is simply great. A little distance helps to keep the fire. Anything which is demanded is often denied, that's human nature. Thus, let it flow naturally. The fact that you don't demand, will allow it to come across to you. Every person has a schedule which they have to follow. He/she has to divide his/her time for both professional and personal things. Never trespass on the privacy of the person, because it is the only sacred place in the whole world. Neither Kashi, nor is Mecca sacred.

Of all the manifestations of love, possessiveness is the most colourful. Many people tend to look at possessiveness as a kind of byproduct of extreme love. They contend that it is one of the many ways that love expresses itself. Possessiveness within moderate limits can be beautiful like excessive sugar in the blood that wrecks silently all the vital organs in the body.

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness," said Kahlil Gibran.

When a friend expects to see you every day because they have no other friends it can get tiresome, but if they are going through an emotional difficult time and need your support everyday that is a different matter. Do not just jump to conclusions about why your friend is being possessive. Instead, what you need to do to is investigate further the cause of their possessiveness. To further investigate the issue you and your friend will need to sit down and have some open and honest talks about what is going on. Happiness, contentment, inner peace and just simply to have a joy for life all seem like things that are impossible to achieve in our modern world. Trying to find the path to inner peace is something that human beings have been doing since we have been human. Unfortunately, we live in a world of physical objects that are not permanent and these things are constantly lost to us, or can be easily lost to us. One aspect of aparigraha is found in the idea of not to holding on to material possessions.

Does this mean we should give everything away?

The ideal state is satva(state of harmony b/w low & high energy). A balanced aparigraha is taking only what is necessary for you to live. When we follow the principle of Aparigraha it makes it easier for us to see the beauty inside a person instead of simply judging them by external material objects. The work you put into improving yourself, quieting your mind, learning how to behave in a moral and ethical manner, and learning how to act in accordance with your true inner self is something that can never be lost. Our focus should not be outward to material objects, but instead, our focus should be inward on a spiritual journey that allows us to purify ourselves and also to be able to create positive change in the universe. 

Possessiveness is a natural instinct within us and is even a characteristic of God. The right amount of possessiveness in a relationship makes one feel special and cared. To love and to be loved is the most beautiful feeling.

Sorry for being preachy and I maybe the nth person to write about this topic, yes, but every one of us have experienced this. My words/expressions are never my alone.

William Wordsworth wrote

“The world is too much with us; late and soon,

Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;

Little we see in Nature that is ours;

We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!”